Above: Adi takes and deep breath and carries Oliver like a sack of potatoes.
Now that I made Rex “Tex” O’Keefe promise to pray only for good things for our family, things have been looking up.
Paid in Full
“I just have a feeling it will all work out,” Janice said.
I shook my head, not convinced. That’s just naive to sit there and expect pallets of cash to be airdropped from heaven. “Oh look,” the neighbors would say as parachutes with crates of cash dangling below them unfolded in the sky above our house. An angelic host would be singing the Hallelujah Chorus as the pallets would settle into our yard with a thump. “The Snaders are getting another support check.” That’s not how it happens and I was convinced Janice was wrong. By now I should know better than to question my wife.
Admittedly I was worrying way more than I should have but our family was facing our biggest single need we’ve had so far on our journey – besides our need for salvation, of course. But somehow it seems easier for God to forgive us than to give us $12,000. Sure, there were all those other times God provided, like the time we found enough cash to fix our fridge and still had enough left over to buy an ice cream cone. But this made that look like child’s play.
Somehow it seems easier to forgive us than to give us $12,000.
Let me explain. We are scheduled in October to attend Missionary Training Institute in Colorado. It’s an independent organization that’s been operating for many years. They prepare missionaries for the field through language training, culture training, and even marriage counseling. Missionaries that go through the training are better prepared for the stresses they face and typically stay on the field longer. The longer missionaries stay on the field the more effective they become. So MTI’s ministry is quite valuable. Some of the “old timers” at MMS Aviation (don’t tell them I called them that) actually attended MTI several decades ago. Although the program looked different back then, the old timers still enthusiastically recommended it. Another family from Samaritan had attended a few months ago and they found it so helpful that they offered to help pay for us to go (although it turns out that we didn’t have to take them up on it). The Samaritan Aviation leadership also wanted us to attend and we were happy to oblige. We want to be effective, long term missionaries. There was just one problem: The program is very expensive. It lasts an entire month and includes lodging, food, and even daycare while we’re in class. And it’s not just daycare where they let our kids watch Peppa Pig for eight hours, they actually teach our children about adjusting to a new culture. We are excited about what we’ll learn there but overwhelmed by the cost. It cost a lot. $12,000 to be exact. We didn’t have that much but after considering it for awhile we decided that it was a worthwhile investment and that, if it was God’s will, it was God’s bill. So I went online and signed up, checking a box acknowledging that if I didn’t have it paid off within two weeks before the start of the class we’d be out of luck, as if luck had anything to do with it. I guess I had the faith of a mustard seed which, apparently, is enough to hit the “Submit” button on the form but not enough to see too far beyond that. I immediately began scheming. What can I sell? How can I make this work? I ran numbers of various things around the house and they didn’t add up to $12,000. Not even close. Fear was beating my faith like a drum and I was humming despondently to the beat. Eyore, the depressed donkey from Winnie the Pooh, became my spirit animal.
Eyore, the depressed donkey from Winnie the Pooh, became my spirit animal.
This went on for about two months. Yes, I prayed about it but it was more of an exasperated complaining. “I don’t know how this is going to work, God.” I often worried what would happen if we couldn’t pay for it. Janice politely informed me I was worrying about it far too much. “Stop being a mopey mope face. I just keep feeling like it will all work out,” she said. I heard her but I dismissed it as hopeless optimism. I told her that. “I don’t think you understand, honey.” I tried to reason away her faith with logic, “We have Adi’s dentist bill, we have your crowns we have to put in, we have to pay for MTI yet, we’re going to start our work visas and stuff in August which takes money, and we have to pay for our PNG plane tickets soon after that. We’re looking at needing like…” I did some math in my head, “A bunch of money in the next six months.” Still, her pesky optimism remained. Then again, she wasn’t the one having meetings with people to ask for money. All I could see were the number of support meetings I would have to have to raise that kind of money. I wasn’t looking forward to it. Like, crawl-in-a-hole-and-forget-about-this missionary-thing not looking forward to it.
At times it feels like God reads my blog and then tests me on what I say. Back in May I wrote something like:
Following God is jumping off that cliff, experiencing the free fall and the reassuring catch of the Father, delighting in his strong arms, then climbing back up the cliff a little higher this time, and doing it all over again.
“Procrastination and Motivation” – Post on SnaderFlyby.com, May 13
That sounds great until God asks us to jump again, a little higher than before. Inevitably as we climb up higher and higher, the Father starts to look smaller and smaller and we start to doubt. “Maybe this time we’re too high.” It is at these times that, as a father, I’m not disappointed in my children for being scared. I’m proud of them for making their feet leave the ledge despite their fear. In fact, the more scared they are, the more impressed I am that they trusted me anyway and jumped. I think God feels the same way.
It is at these times that, as a father, I’m not disappointed in my children for being scared. I’m proud of them for making their feet leave the ledge despite their fear.
Perfect love casts out fear and I think our love for God is perfected when we trust and obey and find him faithful during the process. So as our love becomes perfect we fear less but it’s a journey that starts with trepidation. I think it’s a mistake to wait until you have no fear to step out and follow God because you’ll probably sit there waiting until you die.
At least I hope so because now that I had forced my feet off the ledge and the wind was rushing past my ears the fear was setting in. “Mmmmm…” I thought to myself, “Maybe I’ve jumped off of something too high. Did God tell me to jump or did I just throw myself in his direction when he wasn’t paying attention?” Thoughts like that plagued me throughout my day, like little buzzing gnats flying up my nostrils. Sometimes when I worked on a project in the garage I found myself staring at the wall, worrying. What a faith filled, heroic missionary I was, huh?
I’m telling you all this because I want you to know that I do not deserve what happened next. God didn’t move on our behalf because I deserved it. Maybe Janice deserved it, more than I did anyway. We all know that Janice is the better half. I like to tell the kids that, yes, mommy is the best parent they have. But never forget, daddy was the one who picked her!
Throughout the last couple months extra money came in from here and there. I don’t want to dismiss the amazing generosity of so many people but in my fear fogged mind, it didn’t put much of a dent in the $12,000 we needed. But God wasn’t done yet.
Last month someone up and just gave us $12,000 – exactly the cost of the MTI training. As of this morning the MTI training is paid for in full, months ahead of schedule! I want the donor out there to know that they played a major role in redeeming this man’s faith. Thank you! We jumped off the highest ledge we’ve ever seen and God caught us! He used you his hands and feet to do so. We’re grateful for that! The generosity of people out there blows our mind. People we didn’t even know several years ago are moving and shaking our lives now. What a journey!
All those “little” donations that came through earlier covered Janice’s and Adi’s dentist bills this month. Even when my faith was quivering like toothpick in a hurricane and my prayer life was a whine fest (would you like some cheese with that whine?), God somehow saw it fit to bless us. I guess we never do deserve God’s blessing, no matter how great our spiritual achievements. I’m still learning that, apparently. We’re excited to have such a big confirmation that we’re headed in the right direction!
Adi Gets Saved!
I know that Adi is five and so she can’t possibly understand all the ins-and-outs of the Christian faith. I’d be lying if I said I did. Still, I’ve never met a five year before who asks so many spiritual questions. Of course I spend more time with Adi then any other five year old so I don’t mean to imply that my five year old is more spiritual than yours. Maybe yours is already in the temple arguing with religious leaders. Mine hasn’t done that but she has been surprising me with questions like, “Why did Jesus have to die? What is sin? Why doesn’t Jesus speak louder? I wish he would speak louder.” She loves to bring up theologically complex questions right when I flip out the light in their bedroom and am mentally preparing to collapse into bed. Not only does she expect you to have answers, Adi expects you to boil them down so a five year old can understand them. That’s a tough thing to do and I don’t know how much she’s been absorbing, especially since I say, “I don’t know” more than I should. Apparently she also asks Janice the same questions, usually when Janice is trying to unclog a toilet or the oven is on fire. I’m not sure if she compares our answers or not. The other day Adi was repeating her Wednesday set of theology questions and, after discussing a wide variety of topics, Janice felt led to ask Adi if she wanted to accept Jesus into her heart. Adi said yes and so Janice led her through a prayer doing just that. We’re celebrating the start of a great journey for Adi! We’re excited that God is igniting a spiritual hunger in her heart despite her parents not having all the answers. Now, I was hoping Adi would change so dramatically that I would no longer have to deal with grumpy attitudes or selfish behavior ever again. But then the Lord reminded me that, eighteen years after my conversion, I can still throw a good hissy fit when I don’t get my way. So I shouldn’t be pointing fingers. Kids really bring out the best and worst in you.
Although, in a way, Adi is shedding some of her old man and putting on the new. Two of Adi’s front teeth were getting looser every day and excitement was mounting over the upcoming milestone. I was going to put the fist tooth that came out in clear epoxy with a placard stating it was Adi’s first lost tooth (although it would have to wait a little because my fatty lipoma is still waiting patiently in it’s jar to be memorialized in epoxy). Then, unceremoniously, it came out during lunch and Adi swallowed it without realizing it. I suggested that if we were desperate enough, recovery would still be an option. After three children, poop doesn’t phase you as much as it did. If we did it right, we could even make it a homeschool lesson on the digestive system. Of course, since that’s Janice’s responsibly, she would have to be in charge of the lesson and strangely enough, she shot down the idea.
Elliot learns to ride bike
Elliot has learned to ride a real bike! He completed his first solo ride without any training wheels a couple months after his third birthday. He started to learn how to ride bike in Zambia, actually. That’s when we discovered the pedal-less “balance bikes” that some missionary kids had. They’re basically just bikes without pedals that kids push around. They learn to balance pretty quickly because they aren’t scared of falling and then when you introduce pedals, it’s not a big leap.
Now when we go to the park Elliot insists on riding his “big boy bike.” It’s fine. I’m glad he likes to challenge himself but he wobbles at top speed over the entire ten foot width of the bike path. It’s like a rat running under the benches at church, people shriek and jump over each other trying to get out of his path. Kids keep you humble I guess.
It’s OK. I try to stay back and give him space to learn, preferably enough space that people don’t know I’m his dad. He’ll need all the hand eye coordination he can get so that he can fulfill his destiny as a jet pilot. He seems to be well qualified, according to my supervisor at work. He says the difference between a jet engine and a jet pilot is that a jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. Elliot never stops whining so it’s good to see his natural abilities will take him somewhere promising.
Until next time,
Josh
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